there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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