WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
