I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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