he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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