alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
