You just made me feel so damn special
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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