I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
