I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
