i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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