we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
3 2 1 whiskey
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
