Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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