mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
