Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
