What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
