you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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