Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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