and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
