I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
