A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
