google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
