so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
