I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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