Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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