I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
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Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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