I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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