Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
