I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
