Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
