did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
