I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
