Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
