is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
