those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
