I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
