I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
