I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
