I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
