I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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