some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
