I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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