She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The struggles of a small town man whore
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
