I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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