apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
