I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
