I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
