hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
