Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
