he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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