My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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