the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
