No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
