would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
