Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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