I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
