hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
