Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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