I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
