I think I am morally bankrupt
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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