I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
