drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
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On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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