they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
