Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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